At thirty-five it has
become far too easy for me to criticize the curve of my stomach, which is
nowhere near flat, the fine lines under my eyes, which weren't there five years
ago, or the slope of my breasts, still firm and perky, thank you. However, the
more I think about these flaws the more I realize they are imagined. More
importantly, I have come to realize its not me who imagines them but society
which pushes this idea of eternal youth and thinness as an ideal. As though
voluptuous age is to be feared and avoided at all costs.
A few weeks ago I went to
see "Mirror Mirror," which was an enjoyable film. The villain of the
film, the evil stepmother, is a woman who wants to keep her youth and beauty at
all costs. To this end, she exploits the resources of the entire town, abuses
her underlings, and tries to kill her stepdaughter. I found her oddly
sympathetic. Isn't she trying to do what society tells all women to do everyday?
Stay thin, stay young, and above all stay attractive to men. The villain of
"Mirror Mirror" is a woman trying to do exactly what our modern society
wants women to do; and for that she is vilified.
Now, let us look at our heroine. She's young, she's beautiful, she's physically fit and reasonably clever. And she is rewarded with the love of not just one man, but eight men. It shouldn't be overlooked that Snow White has the love of not just one prince, who falls for her almost on sight because she is that beautiful, but also seven dwarves who each give her the devotion of a lover because she cooked them a decent meal. See, I told you she was reasonably clever.
What message is this sending?
Now, let us look at our heroine. She's young, she's beautiful, she's physically fit and reasonably clever. And she is rewarded with the love of not just one man, but eight men. It shouldn't be overlooked that Snow White has the love of not just one prince, who falls for her almost on sight because she is that beautiful, but also seven dwarves who each give her the devotion of a lover because she cooked them a decent meal. See, I told you she was reasonably clever.
What message is this sending?
It's quite simple, it is the same
message society sends to women in every magazine, film, commercial ad, and
television show. A woman's worth is measured by her attractiveness to men, and men value youth, beauty, and enough brains to cook a decent pot roast. Where
does this leave women who are aging? Which is all of us. Well it gives us two choices: we can either
try to hold on to our youth at all costs and risk becoming ‘vain’ and ‘self-obsessed’ like the 'evil' stepmother of the fairy tale. Or
we can try to grow older gracefully.
Growing old gracefully is a far bigger challenge than one would think.
It means that one must come to terms with the body and how it ages. Wrinkles
are going to happen, sagging is going to happen. Yes one should stay out of
the sun and go to the gym, but age is a great equalizer. Live long enough and
it will get you. In my attempt to accept that I am never going to be
twenty-five again (the year my brain attacked me with a stroke, by the way). I
have decided to see my own body with the eyes of a lover rather than the eyes
of a stranger. I will care for my body the way a lover would. I will coo over the curve of my hips, purr over the roundness of my belly, and linger the over slope of my
breasts, because doing so is a way to show myself love. I will maintain that the
only flaw my body really has is a defective bladder. The rest of me is quite
beautiful.